I thought about leaving a tulip in her car door.
I thought about a gift card or an “anonymous” letter from a “secret admirer.”
I thought of leaving her a note that showed value toward her. Maybe a random gas card.
But that means I wouldn’t be respecting her.
Nor would I be respecting myself or the space.
It’s interesting me more and more as I discover myself through this space… my needs. my deal breakers. often there is such a fantasy about what is romance, built up over time, over experience, over stories and books, films. after processing and talking it through with other people and friends, I’m becoming more and more aware of what my needs were this whole time, what wasn’t being met, what I should be looking for later on when I’m fully healed and ready to get back out there.
The timing sucks, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s always better sooner rather than later. I am resting in the fact that I tried my best, I was myself, and that’s all you can really do in a relationship: give your all. relationships are precious because it’s so rare to find someone you’re willing to work your ass off and suffer for, and do it mutually. to partner with life, cheer each other on, and make the best of every situation.
I hope and pray that tomorrow, during Valentine’s Day, people will embrace who they are with, what they have, take a deep breath, and be thankful. it’s a gift to spend a Valentine’s Day with a loved one. We never got to officially experience one. but it’s okay.
I have no regrets. I am so thankful. it was a beautiful relationship. And it’s okay if things don’t work out. Things will be okay.
I will be okay.