Ugh. I needed this. So uplifting, encouraging, and inspiring. I am so grateful I have a friend like this.
To be honest, this has not been a good Christmas. This is the first time since I found Mosaic that I experienced such a… loneliness… here in Hollywood. It was so empty, a bummer, and a letdown. See, even though I knew of many places I could go, I found myself not having the desire to belong. When I spent some serious time looking into myself, I found an overwhelming sense of insignificance that has been informing my life. It’s one of the deepest-issues I deal with daily; it is a voice that simply whispers when I am at my weakest, “You are not good enough.”
I hear it when a friend fall through on plans I’ve been looking forward to:
See? You weren’t that important.
I hear it when I don’t get picked:
Good thing, you would’ve just let them down anyway.
I hear it when no one responds:
Why would they reply? You contribute nothing. You just take.
I hear it even when I’m with others:
You were just invited because they felt bad. They could do without you.
Sometimes it slips in without me even realizing it. I just.. accept it. It takes so much effort to realize it’s happening, acknowledge it, and it takes even more effort to do what you’re supposed to do: declare it a lie, and then cast it out of your life.
That’s the beautiful thing about God. When things aren’t going your away, when you don’t understand what’s going on, when you have no answers or feel so alone, God shows up. His grace covers the hole in your heart and brings the closure you never got to have. His mercy fills your ears with His voice when the person you love goes silent. His power heals and redeems your broken spirit, restoring you, giving you a new heart… all so that you can just try again.
And hey — all the work that you put in for something that didn’t turn out? Yes, God makes a way for that too. It wasn’t in vain. It impacted your heart, didn’t it? You proved to yourself you could do it, right? You just have to be patient. The right time will come. See, if you’re anything like me, when you love somebody, you sacrifice; you be whatever it is you need to be for them, whether it’s to lay down your emotions for the friendship, your desires to make room to heal, and even to have the maturity to back away when you sense that space is desired in want of another interest. That’s true friendship: simply making sure that person is happy, no matter what. It’s not about you. And it never should be.
The truth is that God is madly, madly in love with you. He speaks softly and intimately with His creations. He has wonderful things to say to you, if you only choose to pay attention and ignore the loudest voices, only zoning in on the quiet whisper that yearns and says, “Come. I love you. You ARE enough. I made you, after all.” After all, God didn’t make me just to say, “Man, you’re a mess. I hope you get your life together. My bad for making you this way.” See, you and I were created in His image. How can we possibly say we’re not worthy of His love? In fact, if we only stop and listen, we can hear Him saying it to us… all the time. Never let other voices take the place of God’s voice.
I have never felt more encouraged, blessed, and grateful, despite not gaining any of the things the world tells us to value. In fact, the world would tell me I missed out. Well, so what? To know that they’re happy, to know they have started to believe their own worth – that’s enough. That’s huge. To me it doesn’t matter if it wasn’t me who led them there, I’m just happy that they are there.
As for me, life goes on, I’m young, I have love in my heart, I have the resolve to grow, and most importantly, I have God. That’s what makes me complete.