Obedience can be so hard sometimes. It’s definitely a struggle – to know where you are in life, to be committed to developing what you need to cultivate and not jump the gun because you “don’t want to miss an opportunity.”
It’s hard. Relationships are hard. Desiring more of God and less of me is hard. Wanting what God wants in my life when it seems like everyone is just taking what they want or doing things for themselves… that’s hard too. Often times, it’s so discouraging, and I wonder why I even bother with staying so committed to a vision that probably is never going to happen, because I know I’m not ready to be the kind of person that can be entrusted with my life, or the life of someone else for that matter.
But that’s what trust is – knowing, believing, and remaining faithful that God has the best for you, and knows the perfect time to bestow those blessings.
If I were to be completely honest, I haven’t worked on myself. I haven’t achieved anything notable. I don’t have anything to offer. And it’s my fault. I haven’t developed my talents or did anything remarkable to attract the attention of the people that I want to notice me. I want all the rewards with none of the work. Then I blame God for not giving me any blessings.
Being obedient to God can’t come out of obligation. It can only come out of trusting that He has my best interests in mind.
I can only be mad at myself. My selfishness is what brought me here, and it’s what keeps me here. I have no one to blame, and have not done the work needed to entrust the love, attention, and affection of the one who deserves all of that and more.
God – forgive me. Help me change. I am All in.