Drawing Deeper – 14: Closer (A Prayer)

Drawing Deeper” is a series I have been writing which candidly details the progression, triumphs, and (very hard) lessons I have been learning as I draw deeper into a more personal, more intimate relationship-based walk with God. It is meant to provide inspiration, encouragement, and accountability to both myself and to whoever finds these helpful. Below is the fourteenth entry in the series. God bless you, and thank you for reading!

———

A lot of things have been thrown my way this past week alone. Almost not graduating, losing my credit card, falling ill… it’s only been two weeks, and I feel as lonely as ever.

But — I am unbelievably glad. Joyful, even. Because you were there. I felt you near. I cried out, and you came.

You listened. You let me weep. And you… and you… ah, who am I kidding? I can’t explain it.

It was all you, huh? You allowed this to happen. You orchestrated every circumstance, every moment, every decision.. so that I all I had left was you.

Well… thank you. So much.

I’ve never felt more alive, more like myself, than when I talk with you. The honesty and trust I am developing as I get to know you.. it is mind-blowing. Before there were ulterior motives. I read your promises and viewed you as the person I needed to please in order to gain them. But now… I don’t care. It doesn’t matter if you’ll give me my heart’s desires, I am just going to focus on delighting in you.

In an effort to beat the system, I’ve come face to face with the greatest love I have ever known. Your truth has stopped me in my tracks and brought me to my knees. And I am not going anywhere except in the places where your love calls.

The fact that you are near me at all is overwhelming, and I am moved to tears daily by what you have been delivering me through. Who am I that you answer my prayers? I have done nothing to deserve them. Yet.. you are blessing my life in so many ways that I cannot possibly count them all.

I am thankful beyond measure that you are in control. Though I am saddened you have distanced friendships, you have sprung forth newer ones that provide all I need and continue to amaze me. Forgive me if I ever question where you lead me.

For all I need is you. Your presence is enough. I will trust you, because you have  been faithful. I will be still and know… that you are God.

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