Drawing Deeper – 13: Breath

Drawing Deeper” is a series I have been writing which candidly details the progression, triumphs, and (very hard) lessons I have been learning as I draw deeper into a more personal, more intimate relationship-based walk with God. It is meant to provide inspiration, encouragement, and accountability to both myself and to whoever finds these helpful. Below is the thirteenth entry in the series. God bless you, and thank you for reading!

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A new level. New increase. It’s amazing. But reaching a new level with God requires more of him. Maintaining a deeper communication, a more intimate relationship level, requires us to depend on him even more.

And it makes sense – higher elevations require more breath.

My pursuit to grow in God, to grow with God, can be analogized to climbing a mountain. When I made my first genuine attempt to know God more during the middle of this summer, it was like I was at the base of this gigantic mountain. Where the heck do I even start? I wondered. I contemplated the proper footing, the proper technique, I took a step back to see how I would do it. But I realized that all I really was doing was procrastinating. I knew it’d be scary, I didn’t know what to expect… but I wanted it. So badly. My best friend told me that I needed to want God. I needed to want it more than anything else.

So with the encouragement of close friends around me, I did. And it was great! The first few steps were exhilarating. Progress was being made. I was encouraged.

Then it got harder.

I started getting busier with school, an internship, and other commitments. Not only that, but I started getting attacked. The temptations and lust started coming back. I needed God more than ever. So I got into a small group and found a church, and surrounded myself again with brothers and mentors. I barely escaped last semester alive, and I needed to come back home for the winter and recuperate.

Now I’m back in California. It’s 2011, and I need to be stronger. My relationship with God needs to be deeper. With the coming future, I need to stick close to Him and, most importantly, let him lead. I’ll be heading out and finding a job soon, and I need to make sure I’m where God wants me to be. I will fail if I do this on my own, on my own breath.

I depend on God for my very survival.

I don’t think I’m being too dramatic here. There is a very real enemy out there to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The devil has been at it for a long time, and we’re going to need God more and more the closer we get to our destiny. Satan has tried to rob me of my joy and grip me into lust and depression the first day I came back here. If it were not for my network back home and my decision to be vulnerable with these trusted souls, I would not be writing this entry. I am indebted to them tremendously for getting me out of that rut. I’m closer with God now; and the devil hates that.

But I love it. I love getting to know my creator. I love getting to know Him again. I love how it’s in His hands, and all I have to do is follow. The higher I climb this mountain, the greater the reward, the greater the satisfaction, the greater the view… and the greater the fall.

I intend not to fall. If I do, I believe in God’s grace. I believe in the comfort and love my family and friends will give me. I believe in those relationships. I believe that God is good, no matter what he gives.. or takes.. away from me.

I will keep growing. I will keep moving forward. I will rely on His breath the higher up I go. And I am so thankful that He is the source of my strength. My joy.

Father, I thank you. This journey you have placed me on… this mountain you are making me climb… it is tough. But already I feel stronger. Already I feel that I’m drawing nearer to you. I know the higher I climb the more of you I need. This mountain.. it can represent my destiny, my relationship with you, or a trial you are leading me through to teach me how to cling onto you more. And I love you for that. Thank you for strengthening me, for teaching me how to depend on you. Thank you for my brothers and sisters, and for placing people around me so I don’t have to do this alone. I want to make you proud, and I want to stand with you one day, victorious, knowing that you were the one giving me breath all along. You are the air that I breathe. Please be there for my friends, my loved ones, my family. Give them your strength too. Help me draw nearer to you, God. I simply cannot do this without you.

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