“Drawing Deeper” is a series I have been writing which candidly details the progression, triumphs, and (very hard) lessons I have been learning as I draw deeper into a more personal, more intimate relationship-based walk with God. It is meant to provide inspiration, encouragement, and accountability to both myself and to whoever finds these helpful. Below is the twelfth entry in the series. God bless you, and thank you for reading!
“For my burden is easy and my yoke is light.”
God. The Creator of everything. The author of our lives. The author.
He knows what’s coming. He knows what we’ll do. He knows what’s best.
On the other hand, I don’t know what’s coming. I don’t know what I’ll do next. And last time I checked, based on the decisions I’ve made, I don’t know what’s best.
But God does.
Isn’t that beautiful?
Why, then, is it so hard to follow God when we know this? Why is our “free will” inextricably linked to frequent and terrible decision-making?
I know it’s our flaws. I know it’s our sin. I know it’s Satan.
But… when I look back on the times when I’ve chosen God, when I chose to let go of everything.. they were the very moments where I felt — myself. That unexplainable warmth, that unexplainable comfort, those unexplainable tears, the relentless utterances of praise that burst forth from my lips.. those were the realest experiences I’ve ever had. It was free. And it was freeing.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
God’s will is stressful, tough, and difficult. But it’s perfect. All we need to traverse the path He has laid out before us is Him. He is all we need, and thankfully his burden is light, for what He asks us to do can be immensely difficult. Anything else we, by our own volition, choose to keep carrying will only hinder us from achieving His will for our lives. Most times, it becomes impossible.
It is inevitable that when we stray from the path of God, upon our return there will be attachments, hindrances, and vices we have picked up from our time in darkness. All that extra stuff we are holding onto is the only thing keeping us back from a perfectly designed relationship with God. It is what is keeping us from where He wants us to go. It can be immensely hard to let go, but I remember all the times where I finally did… and to this day I cannot believe the sheer love He has shown, the dark places He has delivered me from.
I am experiencing this struggle for deliverance even now. I am working through this and doing my best to just.. lay everything down. It is scary as heck, considering I don’t know the outcome of my future. But judging from what I’ve been through with and without God — I choose God. I want His burden instead. And I am SO thankful He’s willing to trade all my sorrows and shame for His joy.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
God, I want to view you as King over my life. I want to serve you and lay it down, all of it. You’ve seen the way I run my life, and I know you have better for me. I don’t want to do Your will just because there is some benefit for me; I just want to do it because I love you. Please please please shape that mentality in me. I’m tired of my own ulterior motives. I’m tired of pulling out the God card. I’m tired of all the showcasing. When it comes down to it, I just want to be near to you. I just want to talk with you, hear from you, make jokes with you, fight and struggle with you, knowing that I am getting closer to your heart. I want to follow you for the rest of my life, not just because you know what’s best but because I love you. Who you are is amazing, and I want to focus my entire life on what you want me to accomplish. Instill a passion to please you in my heart. I want to develop the character that pleases you. This season, while I’m in California, mold me into the man of God you want me to be. You are my Father, and you own me. I want to be your faithful Son. I want to make You proud. I love you.
Previous entries in the series:
11: The Homeless Man’s Prophecy
10: Relationship Ramblings
9: Stay With Me
8: Asking God First, and Letting Him Finish
7: God Will Disrupt Your Schedule
6: Lord of the Little Things
5: Submitting the Imagination
4: No, I Don’t Want To
3: Dealing With Our Love Story
2: What Should I Read?
1: The Choice