“Drawing Deeper” is a series I have been writing which candidly details the progression, triumphs, and (very hard) lessons I have been learning as I draw deeper into a more personal, more intimate relationship-based walk with God. It is meant to provide inspiration, encouragement, and accountability to both myself and to whoever finds these helpful. Below is the tenth entry in the series. God bless you, and thank you for reading!
What are you up to God?
Currently, I feel like some relationships are slipping away. I don’t know if it is you making space for relationships I am meant to build here, or if I’m supposed to fight for certain ones.
Truthfully, I don’t know.
God, you know that certain relationships are very important to me, and maybe they’re taking time and focus away from you? If that is the case, then forgive me.
My paranoia and predisposition towards feeling loneliness don’t help either. But I’m trying to trust you, God. I really am.
Maybe I need to not try so hard to keep in touch.. to stop trying to touch base with them as if they’re near me.
It doesn’t make sense to me, God. My brothers and sisters back home are pretty much the only ones right now who are keeping me in line with my walk in you. Are their intermittent responses a sign to cease? A sign to focus on what you have for me here? Am I too loyal to them to let go?
And my friends here.. those who do not know you the way I do.. how am I supposed to manage them?
You make all things new, you make things better.. these are promises I am clinging onto desperately. There’s nothing else I can do.
Maybe that’s all I need to do… trust.
I have never allowed you to be Lord over my friendships… my relationships. Could you please help me let go control? Even if it means letting go of them? Will it only be for a period of time? Do you have other things, other people, in mind?
Or do I pick up my sword and fight to keep them? To remain unconditional and consistent, never faltering in showing them that I will never let distance allow me to forget them, regardless of feedback?
Stay with me on this, God. Let me do your will. Let my life reflect your will. Let who I talk to reflect your will. Be with me. I believe that I am not lonely. I break that lie in Jesus’ name. I believe in your truth and your truth alone. Prune me and the things and people in my life so that I may remain in you. Be my strength in this time. Help me trust in the unseen, unnerving, yet amazing things you are about to do. I renounce you spirit of deceit, go and begone in Jesus’ name. I renounce you spirit of loneliness, leave this place in Jesus’ name. I renounce you spirit of DISCOURAGEMENT. You have no power over me. Begone in Jesus’ name. Cleanse and sanctify my soul, God. Make it whole and make it a holy dwelling place for you to remain. I love you, thank you for listening. Thank you for exposing your truth in me. Thank you for uplifting me. I am in awe of who you are. Amen.
Previous entries in the series:
9: Stay With Me
8: Asking God First, and Letting Him Finish
7: God Will Disrupt Your Schedule
6: Lord of the Little Things
5: Submitting the Imagination
4: No, I Don’t Want To
3: Dealing With Our Love Story
2: What Should I Read?
1: The Choice