The first entry in my journey towards a deeper relationship with God:
I am reading John Eldredge’s book, Walking with God, which is a fantastic read. I’m only about halfway through, 108 pages in, but I am taking my time with it, letting God speak to me every few pages while I practically and immediately apply the concepts I read about.
I bought this book before I left, on recommendation from Summer, who thought I ought to read John Eldredge’s other book, Wild at Heart, which I will read next. However, Walking with God resonated a little bit more with my soul at Borders, and I decided to get it instead.
To be honest, I do not know God’s voice. I do not know the unique way he speaks to me. I have no idea what he sounds like, and I have forgotten how it was all the times he has communicated with me. Intimacy with God is something that I have always desired, something I know he has always wanted with me, but in my 15 years of being a Christian, I have essentially refused to get to know him.
Because I was afraid. And unwilling to let go of the way I ran my life.
I chose to not aggressively seek and pursue God because I knew that once I made the choice to do so draw close and listen to God’s voice, it would also mean that I would have to obey what he tells me to do.
Not only would I have to listen; I would also have to obey.
That’s what I didn’t want. I only wanted God to be my advisor, my guidance counselor whom I would call on for wisdom only when I didn’t know the way to go. But God doesn’t want that. He wants all of me.
Why? Because he loves me. He wants the best for me. He is the only one that can give me true joy in my life. He knows how much I can screw up my life apart from him. He knows that I know how much I can screw up my life, even in the areas where I have it all together.
So on June 3rd, 2010, I made a choice to not go back to the way I used to live.
And on June 25th-26th, 2010, I went to a Transformations class that has removed the big strongholds in my life, so that I could live a life that is whole, holy, and pleasing to God.
Drawing Deeper will be a series that will catalog my walk with God. What he is giving me, what he is working in me, what he is telling me, and what he is doing in my life as I draw closer to him.