I’ve been reading this book for the past week called, “Boundaries in Dating,” and I find it to be a great read. It’s a book that hits home on several points that either a) i hadn’t realized were there, or b) i’ve been choosing not to deal with. Personal encounters with the opposite sex this summer (as well as in the past) are all being scrutinized as i read this book carefully, matching together their examples and advice with my own experiences, combing through my memories all the instances where something went wrong and i had no clue how.. the authors offer valuable insight and practical tips that have brought me peace to my past mistakes, and invaluable hope for the future.
It’s made me realize how much more growing I need to do. It’s one thing to recognize the need for growth; it doesn’t take a lot of effort for me to admit that i share in the blame, but i find it hard for me to only stick to my problems. often i tend to give too much of myself in relationships, sticking my foot in doors i wasn’t invited to walk through.. you know, being too much of a “rescuer.” It’s taken quite a few experiences and a handful of toe-steppage (haha, oxymoron) for me to finally learn my place in a relationship, to know what I can and can’t do, what I should and shouldn’t do. I realize I have a tendency to become a “parent” trying to change their behavior, or a lifeguard trying to save someone who I think needs help. Though my intentions are good, it just ends up not benefiting anybody, and I shouldn’t even feel like I need to change anyone.. now that I think about it, that mentality can be pretty insulting to them. so yeah, i should just mind my own business, and work on the stuff that I know I need to be working on. As the old Alcoholics Anonymous saying goes, change occurs when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of changing. people will change for themselves on their own time, and i ought to just accept people for who they are, and value them for the unique joys they bring to my life.
It’s an entirely different thing to actually do the growing, however. and I feel like at least i’m making a strong attempt in the direction of self-improvement. thank God for small group and the at least humility to be honest with myself for the sake of myself and others.. but it’s a lot harder to actually do the improving. but it needs to be done. i need to remain in the constant state of growth, especially in areas that as of now i don’t feel quite comfortable in disclosing, but they are vaguely in the areas of romanticizing friendships and a tendency to ruin things by having an unhealthy perspective of loneliness.
so cheers to me, and to whomever is trying to do the same.
read the book, and lets hope this mindset turns permanent.